a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
only you would photoshop your dick
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
