I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
