Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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