Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
