I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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