We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
