brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
