my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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