OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
