based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
