I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
