Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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