You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
