apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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