Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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