Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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