"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize