I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy