no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?