wakey wakey hands off snakey
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.