So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.