Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My vagina is officially offended.