Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number. http://tfl.nu/7aw5
  Replies (11) Good night (709) Bad night (3950)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9936) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes. http://tfl.nu/b96e
  Replies (2) Good night (2160) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor. http://tfl.nu/kri4
  Replies (11) Good night (1478) Bad night (2145)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations." http://tfl.nu/7d4e
  Replies (7) Good night (660) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality http://tfl.nu/sxru
  Replies (8) Good night (1038) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR! http://tfl.nu/abrr
  Replies (14) Good night (870) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height. http://tfl.nu/0pmh
  Replies (10) Good night (691) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee. http://tfl.nu/5wrf
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench... http://tfl.nu/97xe
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day. (1-360): You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide. http://tfl.nu/twrd
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Like alphabetically I'd say a v

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Where are you on a scale from one to wasted? (508): Like alphabetically I'd say a v http://tfl.nu/0aex
  Replies (2) Good night (1148) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together. http://tfl.nu/03kk
  Replies (4) Good night (456) Bad night (173)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings http://tfl.nu/b4tx
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (129)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third. http://tfl.nu/fsc8
  Replies (0) Good night (391) Bad night (139)

Randomize