You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.