Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
