We're facebook friends in real life
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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