Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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