He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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