i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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