this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
