In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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