I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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