walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
