Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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