Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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