he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
