I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just invented taco cereal.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
