They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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