I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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