we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Less talking, more tequila
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
