omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
