giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
