I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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