According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
