I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
