dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
