My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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