Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
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I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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