Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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