Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
