Pappa wants mamma naked
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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