smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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