A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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