I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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