I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
