What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
