This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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