Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
