I'm really into asian looking animals
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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