I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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