I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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