someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Vodka?
Forever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
