well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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