His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
