i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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