is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
