so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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