just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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