one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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