stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
