He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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