I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
